Numbed

When I told Andrew about the Viet Cong woman and our similar reactions to our husbands' deaths I did not cry. I had relived my own scene so many times that I think I numbed myself to its horror in order to go on.
 
"I became that Viet Cong woman when I saw her collapse in front of me on the television screen. Nothing separated us but a stupid war. Women. Wives. Now widows."
 
Andrew closed his eyes. His expression remained solemn, even prayerful. I felt his compassion across the table.
 
• • •
 
Was I really numb?